if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
