i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
