Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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