I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
