i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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