Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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