The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
