know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
