I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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