dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
