your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
