last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
