with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Are we still banned from the library?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
