Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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