He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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