just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
