dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Most Annoying Things Drivers Do on the Road
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.