Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house