4 words: hood of his car
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
