What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
