I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I will be naked everywhere
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button