Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?

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  (513): Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school? http://tfl.nu/0udh
  Replies (357) Good night (853) Bad night (8017)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish i could be there for it

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  (413): Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning (1-413): More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub (413): I wish i could be there for it http://tfl.nu/f5kk
  Replies (4) Good night (2409) Bad night (540)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?

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  (773): why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"? http://tfl.nu/okve
  Replies (9) Good night (5771) Bad night (1238)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.

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  (513): My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked. http://tfl.nu/x6u7
  Replies (6) Good night (4575) Bad night (859)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that

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  (662): Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names. (901): BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that http://tfl.nu/oy20
  Replies (26) Good night (1886) Bad night (4147)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.

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  (903): I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/07kh
  Replies (7) Good night (1185) Bad night (3359)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.

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  (484): I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations. http://tfl.nu/uf69
  Replies (7) Good night (3195) Bad night (763)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober

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  (602): just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober http://tfl.nu/68n1
  Replies (10) Good night (3112) Bad night (1075)
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  (516): View more from New York

  well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks

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  (516): well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks http://tfl.nu/b8ud
  Replies (10) Good night (2382) Bad night (596)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?

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  (678): Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend? http://tfl.nu/mjnu
  Replies (15) Good night (1924) Bad night (890)
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  (819): View more from Quebec

  I have grass duct taped all over my body

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  (819): I have grass duct taped all over my body http://tfl.nu/3nqm
  Replies (2) Good night (915) Bad night (569)
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.

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  (567): Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger. http://tfl.nu/4mv9
  Replies (7) Good night (802) Bad night (544)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.

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  (802): I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind. http://tfl.nu/o69z
  Replies (1) Good night (1124) Bad night (545)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.

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  (570): And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny. http://tfl.nu/bodd
  Replies (9) Good night (860) Bad night (440)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.

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  (778): Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town. http://tfl.nu/ynab
  Replies (4) Good night (836) Bad night (430)

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