Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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