UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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