wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize