dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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