She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
