I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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