one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize