just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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