final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
