so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
