went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
