I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize