I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
