Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
