Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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