yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
