Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
