trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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