NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
