So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
