You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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