i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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