Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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