what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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