if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did you just see the Batmobile???
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
