no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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