girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
please come you make the beer taste better
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
