If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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