Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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