Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
