have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
