Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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