Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
