Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
