I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
