What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
