This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
