i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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