This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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