Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
pray to the hookup gods
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
