I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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