SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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