I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
