my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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