I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
