Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize