someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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