I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
