hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
