you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I fill condoms, not promises.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
