i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
