Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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