I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
