WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
