after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
