let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
